I weighed whether I wanted to expend the mental energy of explaining the reasons why I couldn't meet up right now. But I'd had zero conversation with him, so I had absolutely no idea whether we were even a good match personality-wise. Spare yourself the guilt, if you can.Īs for me, I had nothing against Jake. It is 100 percent OK to say no when a match wants to meet up straight away. If your schedule is packed, suggest alternatives like voice-noting or FaceTime. If you're in need of self-care and don't feel like explaining why, then don't. We can bring balance back to the online dating world by being honest about preferring to chat online before meeting up IRL. Now the pendulum has swung so far in the opposite direction, we may have overcorrected. Daters became more and more frustrated with accumulating matches who didn't seem serious about testing the waters offline. "Breadcrumbing" - a term for daters who have interminable chats with their matches with zero intention of meeting up - became a scourge for people genuinely looking for love, not a penpal. This swiping ennui resulted in daters collecting countless matches, but having low-quality interactions that didn't lead to an actual in-person date. That palpable culture shift is a reaction against the "swiping fatigue" that began to plague the dating industry in 2018. How had a message from a stranger had this effect on me? Truth is, Jake is one of many guys in my phone asking to meet up straight after matching.ĭating app interactions are becoming increasingly fast-paced. You'll be alone forever at this rate, whispered a small voice in my head. I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that I was boring and a tiny bit selfish for wanting to stay home. But that came with a small kick of guilt that I was somehow failing at dating. My instinct was to put myself first on this night. The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house for what felt like a booty call. My eye scrolled downwards to see that Jake wasn't wasting any time: He wanted to meet up. ![]() I was hiding under a blanket on my sofa when my phone started flashing like a lighthouse on the horizon.įour Hinge notifications appeared on my home screen in close succession. What I needed most right then and there was a quiet, restorative night of doing nothing. I was sleep-deprived and my anxiety was running riot. It had been a difficult week, to say the least. I never imagined a dating app could make me feel guilty.īut there I was, sitting on my sofa, worrying if I was, to quote (Opens in a new tab) indie pop band London Grammar, wasting my young years. ![]() In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating.
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